You have heard of the song “My Funny Valentine” sang by the one and only Nat King Cole. But have you ever thought that Christmas could be funny too? After all, it is often sung that Christmas is the season to be jolly. And sure, we usually think of Christmas as a family holiday, when we get together with our loved ones and enjoy the peaceful end of year. But it wouldn’t hurt to lighten up a bit so our holiday can be extra fun and enjoyable, as specially when the pandemic is still not going anywhere.
Here are 30 funny quotes about Christmas for your light and bright holiday!
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1. Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. – Andy Borowitz
2. What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present. – Don Marquis
3. I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. – Bridger Winegar
4. Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name. – Erma Bombeck
5. Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money? – Tom Armstrong
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6. For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway! – Anne Bristow
7. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. – Shirley Temple
8. Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening
9. Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer. – Catherine Tate
10. Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.
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11. Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.
12. Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’. – Robert Paul
13. Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. – Melanie White
14. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie
15. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge
Related: 50 Christmas Quotes To Get You In The Mood For The Holiday
16. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. – Dave Barry
17. Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of ‘s.’ I suppose you could say ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘Happy New Year,’ but you probably have sh*t to do. – Jon Stewart
18. I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.
19. There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas. – Robert Staughton Lynd
20. This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones. – Guy Endore Kaiser
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21. My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in. – Leslie ‘Les’ Dawson, Jr.
22. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny? – Santa Claus in Home Alone
23. The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’ – John Leo
24. Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. – Kin Hubbard
25. I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas. – Frank Butler
26. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. – Bridger Winegar
27. I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. – Winston Spear
28. Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. – Stephen Fry
29. It may be a cliche, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself. – Julie Burchill
30. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. – Shirley Temple
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