Our kids need a chance to prove they can fly on their own
I think the bittersweet feeling of watching our kids grow up is especially challenging when they’re going through their “you can’t hug me in public” phase. One moment, they’re holding our hands and skipping along next to us down the aisle. The next, they’re downright shocked by any implication that we’re even thinking about making physical contact with them in front of other people.
“My son is 15,” a friend said when we were talking about this. “He went through this whole phase where he would get embarrassed if I even talked to him in public! Then, one day when I dropped him off at a friend’s house, he hugged me goodbye in front of everyone. I was shocked! Overjoyed, of course, but completely shocked. Just like that, I was ‘cool’ again!”
As I listened to her story- and that of other parents- I started to think about something. Our kids need a chance to spread their wings and prove to themselves that they can fly without our help. So, they push us away. Once they know that they really can survive away from the nest, they start flying back to us. Before we know it, they’re all grown up and flying beside us.
Okay, enough with the bird metaphor. What I’m trying to say is this: at some point, our kids go from actually needing us to proving that they don’t need us to realize that it’s okay to want us even if they can do it all on their own.
Does that make sense or are you thinking I should have stuck with the bird metaphor, now?
Spending time with grown children is like visiting the most precious parts of our lives
I saw a quote the other day that said, “Spending time with your grown children is like visiting the most beautiful and precious part of your life.” Plus, we not only get to revisit those days, though, but we get to make all of these great new memories that we’ll cherish forever.
At least, that’s how I imagine it will be. My kids are still a few years off from becoming “grown children,” but I can already see how that quote rings so true. Every time my almost-teen son asks for my help with something, I get these happy little flashes to when he was little and still needed me for everything. The older he gets, the more nostalgic those moments make me feel.
No matter how old they get, they will always be our babies
My friend with the teenager shared another story that I think illustrates this point. One day, her son was struggling to tie a pair of shoes with super short laces while balancing his phone under his arm and trying to fend off the family dog, who was excited about going outside with him.
“I asked if he wanted help, and he looked at me like I had two heads for suggesting that a high school sophomore let his mommy tie his shoes,” she said. “Finally, after five minutes of this, he gave in. He quietly whispered, ‘But I’m not a baby, okay?’ as he let me tie his shoes. ‘You may not be a baby, but you’ll always be my baby,’ I whispered back.”
And that’s the thing, the big takeaway, the balm that soothes our nostalgic souls. Throughout the years, our kids will go through so many phases. From clingy to standoffish, from “do it for me” to “I’ll do it myself.” One day, they’ll become our best friends, our partners in crime, our confidants, and maybe even our caregivers.
No matter, what, though, they’ll always (always, always, always) be our babies. It’s so true. No matter how grown up and how independent they will eventually be, our children will always be our children. We will always feel the need to protect them and guide them in the right direction.
A mother never stops caring, it is just in our nature to always look after our kids. And those kids no matter how old they are will always need “mom”. That makes everything just a little less bittersweet, don’t you think?
Happiness is realizing your kids have grown into good people
I’ll leave you with one last quote, “Happiness is when you realize your children have turned out to be good people.” The only way that we can come to that realization, though, is to let our kids grow up, no matter how bittersweet that may be.
