Why do people always say that you find love when you’re not looking for it?
I was prepared to be single for the rest of my life. I came to that conclusion in college. Every guy I dated wanted to graduate, have their girlfriend (me) follow them to some suburbia for their job, get married, and start a family. I wanted to travel, live abroad, gain new experiences, and I didn’t want to start a family for a long time, maybe ever. I never found a guy with the same goals as me.
In fact, they always treated me as if it was never going to happen. I was unwilling to compromise the future I felt I was destined to have. And I felt that if I gave up the future I wanted for a husband, I might resent him the rest of my life. I did not want to settle.
So, I decided being single was going to be great. I thought I could travel, do mission work, and learn new languages. I could adopt children when I turned 40 because the biological clock didn’t matter anymore without a husband! Life was going to be an adventure and I was ready to do it alone.
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This changed the way I dated. I used to show up to dates wanting to impress them, to be enough, to line up with their goals. But now, I got right down to it. I wasn’t trying to impress. And I wanted to see if the direction of our lives was compatible. I never seemed to find anyone like that in college.
After graduating with my Mechanical Engineering Bachelor’s Degree, I picked up and moved to Thailand. I’m doing my Master’s Degree here for two years. I’m living the life I always dreamed of. I’ve learned a new language, stayed with hill tribes and farmers, traveled to different countries, and immersed myself in another culture.
Now that I was living the life I always wanted, a lot of men started contacting me. Men who wanted to live the same kind of life, to live abroad, and make a difference. Men who told me what they thought I was doing was amazing, men I would consider seriously dating. It was straight forward now. I had a necessary checklist: Christian, willing to live abroad, happy and encouraging disposition, athletic, and a listener.
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I found love. A man who flew 9,000 miles to meet me and whisked me away to an island. He willing to move from his house in America to live close to me in Thailand. And a man who has every quality I ever dreamed of. I found it without even looking.
When you stop looking for love, you set your life in the direction you want. Then, those who are moving in the same direction see where you’re headed and want to join you. Suddenly, those surround you with the same goals and ambitions as you, and opportunities for love surround you.
When you stop looking for love, you’re not afraid to be alone. You’re sure of who you are and people can sense that. What you see is what you get. There’s no facade. Those who fall in love with you are going to fall for the real you.
The best way to find love is to let love find you.
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Source: Charissa Enget, Quora
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